Let He Who is Without Talent Roll the First Stone

I'm likely to enrage some people with this post, because it's about how I really don't understand the widespread popularity of Bob Dylan, Bruce Springsteen, Dave Matthews, or U2. Now, if you like all or any of these people and you're like me, you'll probably like them more after I'm done ripping on them.

To begin with, do I think any of the aforementioned people are so terrible that my ears bleed every time I hear them on the radio? (I call this the Beyonce phenomenon) No, but I don't think they're very good though. What really makes me angry isn't so much the fact that I think Bob Dylan sounds like a drunk hobo when he sings, it's the fact that he does this and people call him one of the greatest singers of all time. I can barely understand a word the man is saying. So I look up the lyrics. Are they bad? No, not exactly. Nor are they: "OH MY GOD! THESE ARE THE MOST PROFOUND LYRICS OF ALL TIME AND THEY SHOULD NAME A MAJOR MAGAZINE AFTER THEM!" The only time I've ever liked a Bob Dylan song is when they used his "The Times They Are A-Changin'" in Watchmen and that's because the lyrics fit the scene. But I wouldn't want to just listen to the song, because then it just sounds inebriated.

Now, on to Bruce Springsteen. The first time I heard one of his songs was when I heard his impromptu rendition of "Santa Claus is Coming to Town." You'd think it'd be impossible to screw up a song about a jolly old guy who brings presents to little kids and joy to the world, but he managed it. A performance like that would've garnered a "participation" trophy at an elementary school talent show. But since it's Springsteen, everybody goes "OH MAN THIS IS THE BEST CHRISTMAS SONG EVER!" They play that thing three times an hour when it's the Christmas season! It actually puts me in the Christmas mood about as much as reading about Rasputin, Nazis, and Richard Simmons. Some of his more popular songs I find to be good (lyric-wise) but it just sounds like a bunch of shouting and warbling to me. Why not be fans of someone that has both (not that I know of any such band).

I think I understand why these singers are popular. First, people don't understand what he's saying. Then, they listen to it a bunch more because all of their friends say it's great (although they don't get it either, I call this the New Yorker phenomenon). They finally understand the lyrics, but think there's nothing to them. BUT NO! There has to be! So they try to find meaning where there is little or none of it present, and of course end up finding some. Or they don't understand it, assume it's profound beyond their intelligence level. Since nothing is profound beyond my intelligence level (hyperbole need not apply here) I don't have this problem.

And then there are people whose lyrics are actually fairly interesting from time to time, like U2 or the Dave Matthews Band. Well, if I have to look up your lyrics online to see that they're interesting, then you're basically useless as a band and should perhaps focus on poetry. There were probably plenty of people who had ideas that were just as interesting as Cicero's, but no one remembers who they were. So this leads me to believe that people are fans of Dave Matthews because they feel sorry for him. I guess they say, "Oh he sounds terrible, but he has some nice ideas so let's drop a quarter in the guitar case." (proverbially of course, as much as Dave Matthews likes to talk about consumerism tearing apart society I don't see him giving away his CDs for free) And remember, obscurity does not equal profundity!

This situation is not inherent to music, it also relates to Independent Films (I say if a studio doesn't pick you up, there's a reason). There are some Indie films like Tarantino's Reservoir Dogs which are excellent, and that's why they're backed by major companies. Then there are others like The (obscure word for turmoil) of (some societal outcast individual) and their love of (some type of chocolate). The movie is really just some dude or some girl trying to be different, or "go against the grain." And they say, "Oh you know what hasn't been done? How about a sci-fi movie, yeah that's it, but in the past! Sci-fi in the past! And all of the creatures could be like, rocks, yeah that's it, walking rocks! Which will showcase how we as a society are...like rocks!" Because it's so strange, this movie will likely attract a large proportion of the arthouse crowd and cause ordinary human beings to say, "huh?" (I wouldn't be surprised if it won Best Picture either, provided that it stars people from another country and makes less than ten million dollars on its first weekend at the box office)

I suppose it is quite rare that you get a film like Pulp Fiction which simultaneously appeals to the "I thought the way they satirized the crime drama while adhering to it excellently was quite brilliant" crowd and the "I thought it was cool when that guy's head exploded" crowd. (In case anyone is wondering, I am a member of both of these crowds) However, this doesn't mean we need to pretend like something is better than it is. (Modern art is crap! Admit it! All the good artists go into the comic book industry, leaving the artsy crowd to make shapeless junk and pretend it's good.) I'd rather people say, "Hey you know, the Beatles aren't a group anymore but I suppose we can settle for these U2 guys for the time being" and still go to their concerts, rather than "Dave Matthews Band is way better than the Beatles! Cuz...cuz...cuz they're around now! That's why!"

So, do I have anything against any of these filmmakers or songwriters personally? No. (although Bob Dylan is kind of a hippie and I don't like hippies) However, it's the response to them that enrages me. Do I really hate Grey's Anatomy all that much? Not inherently (okay yes inherently, but not as much as I do when taking into account whatever the opposite of inherently is). But the fact that so many people watch it, and only it (along with ANTM of course), when modern masterpieces like Lost and House should be at the top of everyone's list. Now, I'm not asking everybody to listen to movie soundtracks like I do (although you'd be better off, they make even the most mundane activities seem cool) but if you're so eager to use your brain to analyze something, good! That's what's missing from society these days (and pretty much ever). But instead I say you take the time to read a good book or analyze a film, by the time you listen to American Pie (not a song by any artists I've mentioned, I know, but I still hate it) enough times to figure out what it's saying, you could've watched the whole Godfather trilogy a few times.