What Did Pluto Ever Do To You?

I was enraged several years ago when they demoted Pluto. Why would they do such a thing? What was it about Pluto's existence that prevented scientists from sleeping at night? Just because it's made of ice shouldn't matter. An ice cold heart can still break.
Well I've checked Wikipedia (the end all and be all of knowledge) and it says Pluto fails to adhere to the third criteria for being a planet. Which is to say it doesn't "clear the neighborhood around its orbit." What does this mean exactly? Good question, it has something to do with this equation:

Like anyone knows what that means. (if you do, please keep it to yourself) The point is, "planet" is a defined term. Meaning, if they decided to define planet as: "something that orbits the Sun that humans can inhabit" well then presto chango! Now there's only one planet! See how easy that was? I'm going to rename my turkey sandwich "hope diamond" and see if I can buy Denmark with it.

It's a matter of respect is what it is. Okay, so maybe Pluto is just like a bunch of other crap floating around in space. Well how about some honorary planet status? It's like George Washington, he started out as a four star general. Then they moved him up posthumously to five stars when some other people earned four. Now he's the equivalent of a six star, with some fancy other title I don't feel like writing down, so that no one can ever be higher than he is. He didn't do anything extra to gain those other stars. We're simply honoring what he did to gain the four, and adjusting for inflation. Why? Because he was the freaking man! That's why!
So why can't we just have in an encyclopedia: "these are the nine planets, they all adhere to blah blah blah*"
*Except Pluto, which is an honorary planet because we like it that way.
No harm done, everybody's happy. I ask you: how is the world any better now that Pluto is a "dwarf planet?" I'm thinking it's worse off, since people like me are pissed. If William Henry Harrison (or good old one month Willy as I like to call him) still counts as a president then Pluto counts as a planet. Just because our friend Tippecanoe (sans the Tyler this time) didn't do anything in his one month, doesn't change the fact that he was once our beloved POTUS back in 1841. If I decided to change the definition of "United States President" to: "Someone who is elected by the United States and who didn't die after a month" then the list of Presidents goes from 43 (Grover Cleveland shouldn't count twice, I don't care what anyone says) to 42.

Interlude: Who here doesn't get my historical jokes? Well then go back to high school you bum.

I came across a similar situation in a Biology class. The professor enlightened the class about the vigorous debate raging amongst biologists concerning which Kingdom seaweed belongs to.
Who cares?
These people are all highly paid professors and researchers and whatnot, and we're paying them to sit in a room and chat about what seaweed should be classified as? Unless this is the little known "13th task of Hercules" I don't think we should be wasting our time, and more importantly my money. (side note: the twelfth task was to kidnap Cerberus, who was Hades' a.k.a. Pluto's dog. So first we steal his pet then we neuter them both. That's not cool.)
This phenomenon isn't limited to science, I come across it all over the place. In English, I got a question wrong on a quiz concerning "what kind of word connects ideas?" I said, a conjunction. As in, "what's your function?" Well the correct overall term was "connecting word," or some other such nonsense I don't remember (I did get it wrong after all). The point is, that it doesn't really matter what something is called. (unless it's a film, I'm not sure how good Apocalypse Now would have been had they kept the original title, Apocalypse at a To-Be-Determined Date in the Near Future)
Do I really care that Pluto has been demoted? No. Pluto and I will always be pals, no matter what. Do I care that they care? Absolutely. What a bunch of whiners. Shouldn't they be coming up with technology that allows me to fight Klingons and hang out with Orion slave girls? (just kidding, their skin is green and kinda gross. I'd rather find myself a nice Betazoid.) Now that's a plan I can see myself supporting. Let the discussions about how to classify planets exist on the same forums that discuss the age-old question: "Who would win in a fight between the Green Lantern and a werewolf/martian hybrid?"