Apples and Oranges

As usual, I have broken through a seemingly impenetrable argument, which is as follows: "you can't compare those two things! That's like comparing apples and oranges!" Up until now, whenever you heard those words, you had to hang your head in shame and walk away, forced to change your opinion because they played the orange card. Well no longer. You can't compare apples and oranges?
YES YOU FREAKING CAN!
How is this possible you ask? Simple. Apples you can just start eating, and they're delicious all of .27 seconds after you've picked it up. Oranges on the other hand, take a lot of work. You have to peel them, and your hands get all sticky, juice can get squirted in your face, and if you have hangnails they're on fire. There's an entire line of orange peelers to assist people in eating their sub par fruit. You don't need to buy something extra to eat apples. It takes an approximate 2 minutes and 43 seconds to peel an orange (not counting the time it takes to remove the juice from your eye). By that time, I could have been 2 minutes and 42.73 seconds into an episode of Star Trek, all the while enjoying a delicious apple.

In addition, I believe the saying goes "as American as apple pie." This means apples are an American fruit. Where do we get oranges? Florida! A state which is neighbors with Cuba, a communist country, who probably ships them the oranges in crates along with their cigars. Because we know the old people aren't out in the fields picking oranges. So, apples are American and oranges are Communist.

As if that wasn't enough to convince you, an apple a day does what? It keeps the doctor away. You know what an orange a day does? It gives you sores in your mouth. That doesn't even rhyme.
So the next time someone tells you that you can't compare apples and oranges, tell them Domenic says you're wrong.