About two years ago, I was reading a book in the Math building while waiting for a class. I noticed there were pictures on the walls of someone's worldwide trip from wherever to wherever, so I began to look at said pictures. One of them was entitled "Australian Dessert." In the .374 seconds it took my eyes to go from the title to the picture, various images flashed through my mind: kiwi pie, Vegemite pudding with a eucolyptus garnish, a cake shaped like a joey, etc. To my dismay, there was a photo of a tree, amongst a bunch of sand.
Well, in order to understand this phenomenon, I first had to lower my IQ noticeably. After that twelve minute process was done with, I realized, they meant Australian DESERT.
Here are some examples to avoid confusion:
I enjoyed a nice dessert at Applebee's last night.
I exiled abysmal spellers to the Sahara desert with naught but a gun with one bullet and a compass that won't point north.
Mark my words, our inability to spell and our failure to use proper grammar will be the end for us all, and we will be done for. How many of you just became annoyed that I ended a sentence with a preposition?
Not enough.
I encounter these problems far too often, in class the other day someone asked me how many Bs are in robbery. Somehow my brain didn't explode and I politely answered. However, for those of you wondering, here are some examples:
Father John bought his fancy new duds at the robery yesterday afternoon.
There was a robbery at the robery last night, be on the lookout for suspects wearing electric blue robes of the bath variety.
See the difference? Hopefully you do, because 2 Fast 2 Furious was the beginning of the end. Imagine the possibility of disastrous consequences. I see, in my mind, a text message from a man being held hostage in a bank to one of his intelligent friends:
"Dude, I'm at First National and I'm stuck in a robery!"
"Really? Wow, that's great! Could you pick up a double breasted electric blue for me?"
By the time the friend's IQ has lowered, it's too late. So the next time you think it's okay to stand by while people use effect instead of affect, or give a military officer a rank of "unpopped corn," remember that you're instilling the apocalypse.
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2 comments:
You bring up an interesting topic that as both a Lit major/editor and as a Linguist I've had to struggle with myself over.
The English language is not deteriorating. It never has been. This is a myth (partially because the English language is a myth, but that's another argument for another time).
I agree that spelling is important. I obviously feel grammar (in general) is important, and that some form of consistency within that grammar is important.
Prepositions at the end of sentences do not bother me. Sentences which become incredibly distorted and almost unreadable in order to avoid a preposition at the end DO bother me.
Language conventions change all the time. One look at Old English will certain indicate that English now is not English then. And they thought English was deteriorating, as did those during the times of Middle English. It's not a bad thing.
This is not to say that there doesn't need to be some sort of order, but worrying over every aspect of grammar (even some of the "bigger" ones) is both silly, futile and infinitely frustrating.
That being said I would not like to see Dessert on a map, expect a key lime pie the size of arizona and find a sandbox instead, but life, and the English language, will move on regardless.
did you intend to repeat the word "often"?
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