Bring Back The Pony Express!

Traveling by pony, how long would it take to get a package twelve miles down the road? I'm going to go with: sometime less than fifteen days. You see, I am an obsessive tracker of Amazon.com shipments, and I check several times a day until I have the newest addition to my collection in my hands. Well, last year I was awaiting a package in the mail and it was at the stop that comes right before my house. Meaning it should've been there the next day.
WELL
I waited a solid 15 days (I could've built 15 Romes in that time) and it finally arrived. And to make it even worse, the label "Express Delivery Recommended" was attached. Good thing all I was waiting on was 100 Bullets volume 10 and not my next insulin shot.
See if it was just the delay, I'd chalk it up to ordinary human stupidity. But since they left me a little note of irony, I'm forced to conclude that they're mocking me. I'm their biggest customer! Why do they hate me so much? This, after all, wasn't the first incident.
Let's go back two and a half years, during this time I had a free two day shipping deal with Amazon. And yet, I wanted this particular item on Saturday. So I paid five extra dollars to receive it on Saturday via DHL (little known fact, DHL stands for: Demonic Hierarchy of Lateness). Well it didn't arrive until Wednesday because they couldn't find my house.
Is that supposed to be funny? You'd have a tougher time finding the White House than my house! I live off of a major highway, and the White House is right in the middle of the nonsensical DC streets (which I'm sure make a cool Masonic symbol from up above, but from the ground you're out of luck unless your name is Daedalus). And the best part was, I could've paid nothing to get it on Tuesday.
So they tricked me into paying five extra dollars to receive the package a day late. Diabolical. I think I finally figured out why. Because they can. Only the USPS claims to deliver through rain, sleet, and snow, but they conveniently don't tell us exactly how long that will take. And UPS doesn't deliver on Saturdays (commies). But we have no other choice, since DHL can't find houses on Saturdays. They have too much power, and so they mock us. They could hold back our electric bills and we'd have no electricity. They could hold back our birthday cards and rend families asunder. So I say let's overthrow this corrupt system and bring back The Pony Express. Because A) Ponies don't know what day it is, they can deliver anytime. B) Ponies don't have to stop for red lights because they can take shortcuts through the woods. C) Ponies aren't smart enough to get drunk on power.
DHL was bankrupted at the mere mention of The Pony Express and their return. What does that tell you? It tells you they should've just given me my five dollars back.