I Absolutely Positively Reinforce Negativity

A few months ago, when I should have been watching a Red Sox game, I was instead at team building job training with an already built team. It was about over, but they offered to let us climb the climbing wall. Obviously I didn't want to, I wanted to watch Papelbon strike out some Rays (go Sox!). But then the man said the magic words: "Here we believe that a challenge is whatever you choose it to be, if going up one step on the ladder is a challenge, good for you! But really, it's up to you because we believe in Challenge By Choice!" I also remember a womanly squeal after that, but I might have imagined it (impossible).
Well, since they had to be hippies about it, I climbed their wall. And I did pretty well too, for a skinny little Trekker. But I just couldn't climb that last bit of rope, a fact which didn't bother me in the slightest. Ever try climbing a rope when you have no stamina, no muscles, and it's 38.7 degrees out? Not much fun. But as many times as I tried to get down, they just wouldn't let me.
"No man! You can do it! I believe in you! You CAN DOOOOOOO ITTTTTT!"
"No really, you don't understand." I begged this flower child sociopath. "I have plenty of self esteem, I'd like to come down now."
"NO! Just believe in yourself and you can do it!"
My muscles were frozen, that's all there was to it. I wasn't in a Hallmark movie, as made clear by my severe lack of childhood trauma or physical deformity, and the fact my mother wasn't played by Andie Macdowell. As such, my muscles stayed frozen and the power ballads remained silent. I just wanted to get down so I could watch the game.
Well it took a full twenty minutes for me to be released from my sky high shackles (I might also add that those harnesses are most unpleasant, and eliminated the already slim possibility of having offspring) and by this time I couldn't even write my name on the sign out sheet.
I was sore for three weeks! All because of some positive reinforcement. Want to know what the world might have been like had this technique been used throughout history? Well I'm glad you asked that, I will tell you exactly what would have happened:

Scene: Revolutionary War. George Washington runs over the plan with his fellow generals.
"Well I was thinking: don't fire until you see the reds of their coats!"
"Uhh, yeah GW that's a...that's a great plan! You can DOOOOO ITTTT!"
As a result, we're all paying ten quid for a fish and chips, which is far too expensive so we all throw a bloody wobbly!

Scene: A train on the way to Gettysburg, 1863. President Lincoln is putting the finishing touches on his Address.
"Now tell me if this is right, Billy: Four score, a decade, and a few months ago..."
"Sounds great Abe! I believe anything you say, you can DOOOOOO ITTTTT!"
As a result, a man in Gettysburg realizes his President can't count, and thus shouldn't be trusted. He then starts a movement against the Civil War, causing the North to pull out its soldiers. The South wins, slavery remains, all food is deep fried, and we all call soda "pop."

Scene: Little Bighorn. General Custer about to make his last stand, unbeknownst to him.
"So I was thinking, we're outnumbered by about 50 to 1, but I think we can take these Injuns."
"If you believe in yourself General, you can DOOOOOO ITTTTT!"
As a result, the poor General gets slaughtered along with his men. Oh wait, THAT'S A REAL STORY!

So as you can see, positive reinforcement is useless. Instead, let's all remember some great "negative reinforcement" stories such as:

"Japan hit us hard FDR! Your plan of non response is awful!"
"Henry, this Ford sucks! You might as well just stop at the Model S."
"I don't know George, I really think it's a terrible choice to put Jar-Jar in this movie." (bad example)

As can plainly be seen here, putting people down is just another way of giving them an opportunity to get back up again and be better. In case you didn't know, this is what Batman's dad told him, so it's definitely true. (interlude: all superheroes are born out of negative events) So if you want to disagree with Batman, then Bob's your uncle and don't forget to bring a brolly if it rains.